Almost Everything

It's been almost a year since the last time I wrote. So what happened in the past year?

I dated Ryan, and it was really great. Then we broke up , that sucked. We met Madi, Dianna and Zach got married, Chelsea and Reed got married and then Madi and Jared got married. I worked for a company named RCI and loved it. I got sick and was in the hospital 3 times for MRSA. I got really depressed...more so than anytime in my life. I contemplated suicide. I tried to hide everything from my friends but I would randomly have break-downs and panic attacks. Then i started running into Ryan in a lot of random places. Once his entire family was there. For a long time I was unhealthy in a lot of ways. Nothing seemed to make things better.

One day Dianna drove me to the temple. I cried because I felt like I had lost my testimony, I felt like I had lost everything. NOT because of the break-up but because my character had been compromised and questioned from everyone I had known at times even from my best friends.  Looking at the temple and feeling nothing, praying and feeling nothing was about the darkest place I could ever be.

I decided I needed a change so I bought Bryanna to Provo and we me some new friends Blake and Ben. Meeting them changed things because they were people who were truly good. You could see it. And I wanted to be like them.  I felt like I had to change everything in my life. So I did. I moved up to Farmington and I live with my aunt Amy. I don't talk to anyone who brings me down. I also don't talk to anyone that reminds me of last summer. It sucks having to cut people out but honestly I'm so happy here.

I met some new friends. Saxxon, Robb, Caitlin, McKell, Kara, Matt. My ward here is amazing, they don't really know me. I mean Caitlin does, McKell and Robb kinda do which is fine. I like being able to lay low and have a simple life. We do lots of fun things here. Pool parties, fires, movies. Things I did with my old friends. I spend a lot of time with Bryanna which I love. Moving to "farm town" has been the best decision I've made in a long time and I think the reason why is that I felt the Spirit when praying about moving here. I'm happy here.

Up All Night

There are certain things that I swore I would never deal with.

I was wrong. The past month and a half of my life has been a roller coaster of emotions and heartbreak.

About A Girl

Over the past month I have been on a crazy roller coaster. I think every part of my character has been questioned.

My spirituality as been questioned so I bore my testimony. I talked about my family and the way I want to raise my future family. I explained my love for God, and my relationship with Christ. I talked about my strengths and my weaknesses. I opened up to someone that I care about.

This month I sat in the grass with that same person and I was told I was beautiful, and I believed it. This month I let you hold my hand and kiss me.

I stayed around waiting for you to make up your mind and it hurt a lot. If I seem insecure or traumatized it isn't because of my family it's because I was being told different things every few days. I've learned so much about you and you about me. I'm letting you go, go out and date see what there is out there.

Please Take Me Home

GAHHHHHH!!!!

Thunder

I never thought anything could be better than it was before. I never thought I could feel safe and strong and beautiful like that again. To relate to another human being so much is inhuman in itself. But this feeling is crucial to every plan ever made. And yet things as simple as standing in the rain make me so happy.

I don't know what you want from me, please don't let it hurt. Torment, thunder, thoughts.

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Aliens Exist!

Last night me and Danielle went to Jared and Ryan's and we played rock band. I got them to play Blink even though Jared doesn't really know who they are. Ryan was Mark, Me and Jared were Tom on vocals and guitar and Danielle was Travis on drums. We were fantastic!!

We were over at their house until 2:30. It was a lot of fun!

In our apartment we are celebrating Easter today, Mariah is making a big dinner and we even have Easter baskets. haha

I have 3 days of school left! It's crazy!!

This summer is going to be the summer of Music!! We are going to see so many bands, with the free concerts in the park again and just a bunch of bands coming through. I really hope to see thrice again. I think I would enjoy it a lot more this time around, because i know even more of their music.

I have been playing video games like crazy lately with the boys, I've played Left4dead, Bioshock, Halo, and Fear 2. It's crazy I think I like left4dead the most.

More later, probably after school gets out.

Sunshine

Sometimes life is hard and it changes you and then you look back and you see the changes made and you THEN think "Ok, this was worth it."

But other times life is wonderful and you change, and you still think "Ok, this was worth it."

Sometimes someone comes into your life totally unexpected and they make you happy and they let you feel good about yourself and others. I love that. So I love this. My life for the past month or so has been like a movie. Maybe I'm Prideful and maybe he is Prejudice. But on Thursday's we go to the Tabernacle and we listen to the organ and he gets excited about Bach, and I get excited about life. We aren't perfect for each other, we are the Sun and the Moon. Different, but each shinning brightly.

On another note I have decided to change my major from Marketing to Behavioral Science. What does that mean? It means I will hopefully work for a Police Department or the F.B.I doing Criminal Profiling. Wierd right? I know but I love it.

I also want to express my love and gratitude for my roomates, I know that sometimes I can be hard to live with and I have a attitude about somethings but I love and appreciate you all. P.s Our apartment is the cutest college apartment of all time. Not to be boastful.

I'm excited for summer. I'm excited for life and I'm excited for all the happiness that is going on in all of my friends and families lives. I just hope I'm not jynxing it. =]